Finding Joy in My "Season"
At the time I was going through a rough spot with one of our children who was not living up to her potential. Added to that, another child has been dealing with self love issues that have proven to be serious, and Matt had been out of town for months on end.
I was drowning and felt like there was little joy during this season.
With seven children there is never a dull moment. No time to sit and relax or to stop and just be with them. Especially with Matt gone, and because of punishment, I was two drivers down.
At this time in life it is all about the children. They are growing and becoming more independent. It is scary for a parent to consider a child faced with a serious situation that they will have to deal with without us right there by their side to help them. All they have is what they have learned from us as parents, and from the influences that we allow in their lives. At a certain point they get to choose what is important to them by themselves. They get to choose who they associate with when they are out of the house at school, at sports, or at work.
It is a scary prospect to let them use their free agency and ability to make good decisions on their own. Especially considering the world in which we live. Wrong is seen as good, and good is seen as outdated and strange.
But, having the ability to choose for ourselves is part of God's plan. We will all falter. We will all fall short of our potential throughout our lives. We need to allow our children the opportunity to find out who they are and what they are made of. They will stumble, as each of us have, but the ability to use the Atonement of Jesus Christ in a real way in their lives will teach them powerful life lessons that will strengthen them and will never be forgotten. They will be strengthened as they grow and mature in the confidence of how our Heavenly Father really sees them.
So, back to the joy part. With teenagers who live in a world with so much darkness it is easy to worry ourselves sick with which path they will choose. All we as parent's can do is teach them the right ways, live by family rules that are in line with gospel principles and commandments, and impose discipline as needed so they know and see a clear line of what is acceptable. Most of all we need to do it in a spirit of love and kindness. Sometimes that part is difficult when our teenagers aren't sharing that lovable characteristic themselves.
Our oldest daughter gave us some heartache while she was in high school. She had to find out for herself what she wanted in life, and what really made her happy.
We knew at a certain point we needed to let her make the big life decisions herself. We still guided her and gave her unwanted advice, but at that time in her life we had taught her everything she needed to know to make informed decisions. We had maintained a home where love and correct principles were given and taught in abundance. At that point in her life it was up to her to decide who she was.
The joy in my life in this season is captured in a painting this same daughter gave me this past summer after graduating high school.
It says:
"Mama looked into me and saw something worth believing in, long before I believed in myself."
They know that we love them and that what we do that they perceive as us making their lives miserable, is only because we know who they are and that there are no limits to their abilities. We push them to become who Heavenly Father wants them to be. That is our responsibility as parents.
I've done a lot without my husband present in the home these past 5 months. I feel like I need to emphasize the fact that we still made it a point to be unified in every decision. He weighed in on everything. It was a heavy load without his physical presence, but he made a concerted effort to be there for me and the children despite him being away.
Our marital relationship needs to be prioritized above that of parenting. We become better parents as we love and support our spouses. And we become a better spouse as we strengthen our relationship with our Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ.
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